I decided when I was in standard 4 that I wanted to be a doctor. I told my school teacher. Before I could realize it I was called to the principals office and was told that I am too stupid to be a doctor. I remember saying ” I am only 10 ” ..I have my entire school career left to make my marks better. But she insisted that I am too stupid to be a doctor. So I asked her if I could be a dentist and she told me that dentists and doctors study the same things and I am not clever enough for that either.
The reason why I thought I’d make a good doctor was because my marks had improved significantly since I was in standard two. I really thought I could do it. I decided to study harder to make my marks good enough to be a doctor. I could not get into the top 20 of my standard all the time I was in high school. It was devastating to my aspirations to be a doctor.
But here’s the deal. The only reason I studied harder in the first place ,before I told the teacher I wanted to be a doctor , was because I had shamed my parents by stealing a radio controlled car from a toy store. I was caught and so I decided that I was a bad boy and I needed to study harder to make my parents proud of me. And why had I stolen the toy car ? I believed I wasn’t loved enough by my father and thought I’d steal my own toys seeing as how he never wanted to buy me any. So what I really wanted was my dad’s love. I was working for love. This is what I was doing.
And so …many many years later I remembered the words of Jesus . He said ” whoever wants to save his life will lose it and whoever wants to lose his life will save it. ” And so.. I went to a garden and pondered on these words and I realized what they meant was that I had to let go. And so I did let go. Over the course of the following three days I let go. At the end of the third day I found the biggest love enter into me. I was filled with love and then I realized that there isn’t anything wrong with my life and that I had found who I am in Christ. My new identity is LOVE , I had found my father.
So really , becoming a doctor wasn’t what I was after. I was after what was there all along and I have the perfect identity in Him anyway. We are not called to become doctors , we are called to become Christ.